The SSA message boards are for you to write about what it’s like living with and having experienced sexual abuse by a sibling. We understand the long-terms impacts this can have on many individuals as well as the difficulties navigating emotions such as confusion, shame, stigmatisation and isolation. This is a safe, non-judgemental and empathetic space for you to connect with other’s who have had similar experiences. Its aim is to provide a sense of hope, connection and healing.

We hope you find registering and joining our online community simple and straightforward. When you create a user account, you agree to the following rules, which exist for your protection to ensure that the sibling sexual abuse support message boards remain a friendly, safe and supportive online space for all users.   

Taking care of yourself 

Please remember to take care of yourself when visiting the sibling sexual abuse support message boards. See Self-care – SARSAS for suggestions of ways you can look after yourself. You can always email support@sarsas.org.uk for support.  

Terminology: 

Siblings are defined as: 

• Children living in the same biological family and/or living in the same house.  
• Including and not limited to, biological siblings, half siblings, step siblings, foster/adoptive siblings, or cousins who share a sibling like relationship.  

Definition of SSA: 

The National Project on Sibling Sexual Abuse summarises the definition of sibling sexual abuse as: “A form of harmful sexual behaviour or activity involving the misuse of power and victimising intent or outcome between children who self-identity as siblings”.  

Sibling Sexual Abuse is referred to by professionals as harmful sexualised behaviours (HSB) when the child who has caused harm is under 18 years of age. 

• Sibling sexual abuse beyond natural curiosity and age-appropriate sexual development.  
• It causes emotional and or physical harm to the children involved.  
• One of the children involved was ‘victimised’ by the other, Includes touching and non-touching activity. 
• Usually involves a clear power imbalance.  
• The child who harmed is usually older in age and physically bigger however this is not always the case.  
• Sibling sexual abuse can be carried out and involve any gender. 

Message board considerations 

The message boards are only for adult survivors who have experienced harmful sexualised behaviours/ sexual abuse by a sibling. We want to acknowledge that while everyone in this community has experienced and may still be coping with the long-term impacts of sibling sexual abuse/ harmful sexual behaviour by a sibling, we acknowledge one person’s responses, emotions and experiences will be different to another’s. Every situation is different, unique and multi-faceted. As we strive to keep this group open and welcoming to all, we ask that you consider these guidelines when posting and commenting in the message board community:  

Language is important and we will use it interchangeably to ensure we are being respectful and inclusive to all.  

Individuals may have strong trauma responses to various terms, so an awareness of the words we use can go a long way. People may use different terms to describe themselves i.e victim or survivor, they may also not identify as either. They could refer to the person who harmed them as a perpetrator, abuser, offender, child who harmed or simply their sibling. They may also choose to describe their experience as sibling sexual abuse, sibling incest, nolestation, sibling sexual trauma, harmful sexual behaviour by a sibling, inappropriate or may not recognise/identify it as being traumatic, rather something that is troubling them. The correct term is whatever is the best fit for you.  

• Do not assume to know how others feel about their own experiences or siblings and please be respectful. 
• What is triggering for you may not be triggering for someone else and visa versa. 
• What you see for your future and the relationship with your sibling (and other family members) can be different from someone else’s. Please respect their journey and choices.  
• Some people cope by just reading what others think and say, some people try and ask as many questions as possible to be as informed as possible, and others may not even know how to ask the questions they want to ask. What works and feels right for one, may not work for another. All are acceptable in this space. 

• Remember that the message boards can be viewed by everyone who is a registered member of the community
• Keep all passwords private 
• While we take great measures to ensure the registered members of the community are authentic and this community is survivor-specific, we cannot fully guarantee that all posts are from survivors/ those that have been harmed.
• Except for comments by moderators, the views expressed are those of the author alone and are not necessarily endorsed or shared by SARSAS

Message board rules: 

Do: 

• Sign up by creating a username (anonymised nicknames are perfectly fine e.g. “amber” or “star”). This should be different from the username you use on other sites if you wish to avoid being identified by search engines. 
• Introduce yourself to our online community so we and others can welcome you.
• Post messages sharing your story, experiences and feelings in a way that feels right for you. Try to avoid explicit details where possible.
• Treat others the way you would like to be treated promoting empathy and respect.

• Tag your posts so people can find posts they most relate to i.e flashbacks, relationship difficulties, depression, anxiety, coping skills etc.
• Respond to posts that are active 
• Report bad-taste and bad-attitude messages to siblingsexualabuseproject@sarsas.org.uk 
• Email siblingsexualabuseproject@sarsas.org.uk if anything makes you uncomfortable or upset 

  

Do not: 

• Use your full name or surname in your username when you register, if you wish to remain anonymous. 
• Use an inappropriate username. If you choose a username that is offensive you will not be able to post 
• Disclose personal/identifiable information like your full name, email address, phone number, where you live etc. 

• Post a picture of yourself. 
• Ask for anyone’s personal details. 
• Arrange to meet anyone. 
• Name individuals such as family or friends.
• Discuss illegal activities. 

• Use sexually oriented imagery or include links to such content 
• Create multiple accounts. 
• Swear or post messages that are offensive 
• Write graphic descriptions of sexual abuse, self-harm or suicide. You can email support@sarsas.org.uk.  

Moderation policies 

All posts are moderated to keep the message boards safe, friendly and supportive. Posts that breach any of the rules will not be posted. Messages posted that fall into any of the categories below will be deleted: 

• Inappropriate due to their content or nature 
• Posts with an external link to promote irrelevant business or service 
• Pointless posts – the message contributes no value to the message boards 
• Crosspost – the message was posted to more than one forum    
• SPAM – the thread was advertising or thinly disguised market research  

Sibling sexual abuse support reserves the right to indefinitely withhold the publication of any post for any reason it sees fit. 

When will messages appear? 

It can take up to 12 hours for a message to be moderated and published on the message boards. Moderating messages keeps the site safe and ensures that personal details such as email addresses and phone numbers are not posted. 

Immediate Support 

Please note the message boards do not offer an emergency service. If your problem is life threatening or you are in immediate danger please contact the emergency services by phoning 999.  

For 24-hour support you can contact  24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line and speak to one of their specialists – at any time of the day or night. Call free on 0808 500 2222.